


Burning For You

by lumosinlove



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M, The Marauders Era, the marauders era fic, wolfstar, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fic, wolfstar headcanons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-04
Updated: 2017-02-18
Packaged: 2018-09-06 08:40:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8743018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lumosinlove/pseuds/lumosinlove
Summary: In which Remus' touch hurts Sirius.





	1. Chapter 1

“I can’t.” Remus was shaking his head, staring down at Sirius, hands outstretched, keeping him away, “Sirius I- _I won’t_.”

“Remus..” Sirius’ voice broke. His hands were outstretched too, but his were reaching, reaching for the only thing he could think about, the only thing he wanted, “Remus, please-“

“We had a deal.” Remus swallowed, his pain written all over his face, “We _had_ to make the deal. We could- we could be together. We could, we _are_ , we just can’t-“ Remus opened and closed his mouth a few times, eyes flitting over Sirius’ face. He was just as desperate for what they couldn’t have. Finally, he said softly, brokenly, “I won’t hurt you.” He shook his head once, defiant, “I won’t.”

Sirius’ face broke, tears escaped through his lashes, “Ple-“ He pressed his lips together mid-word. He had stepped forward, his heart aching at the way Remus had flinched back. He curled his hands into fists.

“ _Don’t_.” Remus begged, tears of his own escaping, his back against the wall, “Sirius, you don’t know what last time did to me, you don’t…” Remus cursed, “God, I rolled over and woke up to- fuck, you were crying-.”

“That was an accident-“ Sirius pleaded.

“And so you think I’ll do it on _purpose_?”

Sirius’s breathing was uneven, “ _Please_..”

Remus watched, eyes wide, as Sirius sank to his knees. He fought the urge to fall too, to gather Sirius in his arms. He was almost not strong enough.

Remus’ lip trembled, “Remus.. I just- You’re _right there_. You’re right there, you’re so close _all_ the time and I can’t stand it if we can’t-“ He closed his eyes briefly, jaw clenching, before looking back to Remus, “I watched Lily hug you yesterday. At her party, her birthday… She hugged you and she kissed your cheek…“

Remus’ hand covered his mouth, trying to hold himself together as Sirius ducked his head, shoulders trembling.

“I don’t care if it hurts. I don’t fucking care, I’ll take it. I just need to-“ He looked up, shaking his head in disbelief, “I don’t know. I don’t know, I need to feel you. I- we-” His grey eyes were glassy against Remus’, “I have to… Re.”

Remus’s hands trembled, his breaths were ragged and felt like they didn’t quite make it through his lungs. He hadn’t thought he could go through with this. He had always been so careful, _they_ had always been so careful and when the urge got too strong they had made do with small brushes of hands over the safe barrier of clothing, careful fingers through hair. And it had been… enough. Almost. Remus told himself it was enough, that they could survive like that. But seeing Sirius like this… pleading and desperate… he knew it wasn’t. It wasn’t enough. And it never had been. It never would be.

Remus felt himself sink to the ground, knees inches from Sirius’. His palms pressed nervously to his thighs. He longed to tilt Sirius’ bowed head up to look at him.

“You’ll tell me…”

Sirius’ head jolted up, eyes wide at how close Remus was.

Remus swallowed, “You’ll tell me if it’s too much. You pull away if it’s too much. Sirius, you pull away instantly-“

“Okay.” Sirius said breathlessly, “Okay.”

Remus felt a hot tear on his cheek, “I’m sorry.”

Sirius shook his head, leaning in so close that Remus felt his nervous breaths, “Don’t.”

It was tantalizing, how close he was. Remus could feel the pull, the oh-so familiar pull towards Sirius except a thousand times stronger. He could feel the heat of Sirius’ skin, making his eyes flutter shut.

“Sirius…” 

Sirius’s breath hitched because he could sense how Remus’ lips moved around his name. He could almost feel the movement against his own.

“You promise..” Remus whispered.

“Yes.” Sirius breathed, but he hadn’t really heard the question. His brain yearned for Remus’ touch, his mouth, his skin and that was all there was, “Yes, _yes_ -“

And Remus fell forward, pressing his lips to Sirius’ as hard as he could, his body feeling like it was a tightly drawn bow that had finally snapped.

It was silent for two, three, four beats. Then Sirius let out a noise, a soft, broken noise that caught in Remus’ soul darkening and lightening it at the same time. Sirius huffed into his mouth, a wine escaping with his breath, and was suddenly throwing his arms around Remus’ neck, pulling their chests flush together. His mouth opened, at the contact, then his jaw clenched against the burn, the familiar jolts of white pain that went hand in hand with pure happiness. He breathed hard against Remus’ skin, but refused to let go.

“Sirius-“

And Sirius was gasping, but not from the pain this time. Remus’ lips were pressed to the corner of his mouth, mumbling his name into his skin, loving him, making sure he was okay.

 “Kiss me again.“ Sirius choked out, “Remus-“

But Remus’ mouth was already covering his own, palm cupping Sirius’ neck, the other running its way under Sirius’ shirt, desperately memorizing the way the smooth skin felt, the way this felt. Sirius whimpered, but promptly kissed Remus again when he started to mumble.

He was on fire, in the worst and best possibly ways. His hands pushed under the hem of Remus’ t-shirt, palms spanning over Remus’ ribs. His mouth dragged over his cheeks, his jaw, his pulse. _This is what it feels like_ he thought, _this is what its suppose to be like always._

Just him and Remus. Remus’ skin under his fingertips, against his lips, his for the taking.

Remus’ hands were shaking against his back. Sirius felt how nervous he was, how overwhelmed, and it only seemed to intensify the feeling of Remus’ skin against his own.

“Off-“ Remus gasped, “You- I need-“ He used his hands as leverage to yank off Sirius’ already hitched up shirt, pulling his own off with one motion. The contact burned, warm but searing.

Sirius cried out softly, nails digging into Remus’ back, “God-“

The heat was nearly unbearable, “Remus- Re-“

And Remus’ mouth was on his again— the only thing keeping him grounded. He tried to focus on it, to memorize every taste, every scent, every way each of Remus’ muscles moved underneath his touch. But it was like someone was pressing a white hot iron all around him, dragging it across his skin. He couldn’t help it. He let a sob out into Remus’ mouth.

He regretted it, hated himself for it instantly.

Because Remus was shuttering, mumbling a soft _no_ into his mouth, and trying to push himself away.

“No, no, _no_ -“ Sirius pleaded through his blurred vision. He squeezed his eyes shut, tears escaping. His hands cupped the back of Remus’ head, palms burning, throbbing, “Please, a little longer-“

Remus shushed him softly, chest moving rapidly, “I can’t-“ but he didn’t move away, his thumb stroked Sirius’ cheek, “not like this-“

Sirius kissed him again, tasting salt on their lips, and felt Remus kiss back just as desperately.

_Just a little longer just a little longer just a little longer-_

And Sirius must have made a noise, must have cried out, done something… because with a shuttering sound Remus was pushing himself away, back falling against the wall.

Sirius fell forward on his hands and knees, gasping for breath at the sudden relief, the sudden intense grief.

_no not yet please not yet._

He tried to calm his breathing, to let the ringing in his ears die down. He let himself down onto the floor, curling in on himself, as if he were trying to keep the feel of Sirius’ skin trapped in his senses.

He didn’t know how long he had been layer there when he felt a large blanket drape fully around him, and not a moment after strong arms circling around him over that, an ankle hooking over his, fabric tangled between. He shuttered.

_It wasn’t the same._

“We’ll break this.” He felt Remus’ breath against his ear, felt a slight twinge where his lip accidentally brushed it, “We will, Pads. One day… God, I promise you… I promise you one day.”


	2. The Cure

“It’ll be okay.”

Sirius wasn’t sure if Remus was talking to him or himself. He watched nervously from the couch, eyes flitting over Remus. He was sitting criss cross in front of the fire place, staring at the small vial in his hands. It was half full, the inky black liquid swirling around the narrow space of it’s own accord, as if trying to git out. Sirius swallowed thickly at the thought of consuming it.

Remus glanced up at him, enclosing his fingers and blocking the strange sight from Sirius’ view, as if reading his thoughts. He pushed up onto his knees, shuffling over to the front of the couch, right in front of Sirius, and falling back on his heels. He reached, snagging a knit blanket from the back of the couch and draped it over Sirius’ hands before taking them in his free one. The blanket was not exactly solid, a loose knit and Sirius could feel little twinges, like prickling heat, when Remus squeezed to tight. God, the thought that that could be gone, gone in just a few moments… that it was possible…

If it didn’t work he wasn’t sure he could bear it. His hopes were up and he didn’t know if he could catch them if they fell.

“This will work. I- me and James and Lils… we’re almost positive, Pads.” He sounded a little breathless, “We did so much-“

“I trust you.” Sirius breathed, “I know, I trust you.”

He didn’t know why Remus was acting like he needed convincing. _Of course_ he was going to take it, try it. A potential cure is staring him right in the face; a chance that he could feel Remus against him without…

He closed his eyes, images filling his mind of Remus’ body against his, Remus’ mouth touching every single inch of him… and with no pain. Just warmth and love and pure fucking bliss-

_Please work. Please, please work._

He opened his eyes, removing his hand from beneath the blanket and holding it out palm up, “Give it here.”

Remus hesitated for a moment and dropped the vial into his waiting palm. Sirius closed his fingers around it quickly, unstoppering it, and looked at Remus, whose eyes were golden and afraid.

“Okay.” Sirius wasn’t sure what exactly he meant by it but he couldn’t force much else out right now.

Remus cleared his throat softly and nodded once, “Okay.”

And Sirius downed it in one go. He felt absolutely nothing as it slid down his throat, except perhaps a slight shiver at the way it didn’t feel like liquid, but more like smoke on his tongue.

For a moment, a terrible moment, nothing happened. His body stayed frozen to the spot, waiting. Sirius opened his eyes slowly, looking back to Remus, watching scared tears mix with the gold. He watched Remus searching his face for any signs of reaction.

“How do you feel?”

Sirius opened his mouth, fully prepared to say nothing, that he felt an absolute, terrible nothing, when a switch flipped. It was like he was doused in gasoline and someone had finally decided to throw the lighter. He lurched back into the couch, a whimper falling from his lips.

Remus jumped, and Sirius thinks he hears something crack, a mug maybe.

“Fuck, Pads- Sirius-“

Sirius was only dimly aware of Remus’ presence. His blood felt like it was simmering in his veins, threatening to overflow.

“Remus-“ He gasped. It was the only word he could get out before it felt like the fire inside him was consuming his voice as well. He needed to know Remus was still there.

“‘m here.” Remus seemed to read his thoughts easily, “I’m right here. Merlin, I- Fuck,” Remus tugged on his hair, voice cracking, “Pads, what can I do?”

It was killing him, the look on Sirius’ face, his wet cheeks. He was in pain, so much pain, and it wasn’t leaving. Why wasn’t it leaving?

Sirius tried to sit up, breathing hard and hands gripping the couch cushions, “How- long?” He said through gritted teeth, “I’m fucking- burning. It burns. Re-“

“I don’t know-“ Panic was rapidly filling Remus’ chest, “I- I don’t know what-“ Remus didn’t know anything. He and James had done as many tests as they could but there was no way to test for this, for the real thing. All he had wanted was a chance for them, but he would have gladly taken the pain over where this could be leading. His heart lurched at the thought.

Sirius shuttered so violently it was hard to watch. “Re, please-“ He gasped, choked, and he was falling, straight into Remus’ arms.

“No no- Pads-“ Remus’ heart practically stopped the second he touched Sirius’ skin. He didn’t want to add any pain on top of what Sirius was already experiencing. He tried to lift him off but Sirius stilled in his arms.

Remus could hear the blood rushing in his ears, all thoughts of _not_ holding Sirius suddenly washed away, “No, Pads, you can’t- can you hear me- Sirius?”

He halted. Sirius wasn’t limp against him like he had thought, but instead tense, frozen in place.

“Pads?” Without a second thought, Remus cupped Sirius’ cheek in his palm, tilting his chin so they were face to face, so he could see his wide, grey eyes perfectly, “Sirius did it stop? Are you-“

“I’m not in pain.” Sirius’ voice was breathless, barely there. He was looking at Remus like he was a sun that he was seeing rise for the first time, “‘m not in pain…”

Remus sighed, chest flooding with relief, “Fuck. Good, good. Did- we need to find out if it-“

He was cut off by a breathless, watery laugh, “Remus.”

Remus shook his head, unable to find any humor in the situation right now whatsoever. They needed to _know_ still, “What?”

Sirius was half crying, half smiling, “Re… look where your hand is right now. Look,” he said softly, hand raising slowly to cover Remus’ on his cheek and-

Remus let out a choked noise, becoming aware for the first time just how soft Sirius’ cheek was against his palm. Becoming aware that Sirius wasn’t flinching away or hiding a grimace. He became aware that Sirius was gripping his hand like he needed it as an anchor, not like he was trying to ignore the pain.

“You-“ Remus’ mouth was suddenly very dry, “You are- and I am- and- you’re not-“ Remus brought his other hand up to Sirius’ face, thumbs stroking over his cheekbones, his lips. He let out a watery laugh, “Fuck.”

Sirius laughed too, sniffing a little and letting his hands slide down to close around Remus’ wrists, slide along his forearms and stop with his palms pressed to Remus’ neck. Remus let his eyes flutter closed for a second, “God… Merlin, fuck, I can’t believe…”

Sirius leaned forward suddenly, pressing their foreheads together, breathing heavily, “I can feel you… Fuck, I can _really_ feel you, just you. Fuck, Re, I _love_ you-”

Remus shook his head, wrapping his arms around Sirius’ waist and pressing his lips harshly to Sirius’. His heart stopped when Sirius let out a noise Remus had never heard before; a moan that, no matter how hard Remus tried, he could detect no unhappiness in.

Sirius’ tears mixed with their lips and soft laughs as Remus kissed him, trying to memorize every blissful sound that Sirius made and only wanting him to make them again. Sirius palms roamed Remus’ skin, pushing their clothes out of the way, off, to feel more. It was painless, soft, and he wanted to map every single inch of Remus with his fingers and mouth. He never wanted to be farther from him than he was right now, chests pressed together, Remus’ lips now working feverishly against his neck. He let himself get lost in the feeling, letting time slide by because, for the first time in what felt like forever, it was limitless.


End file.
